I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
