fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
