so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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