i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize