They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
