so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
