True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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