i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
