PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
