Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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