we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
