Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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