i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
