yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
