I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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