I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
