the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
