Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
