I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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