Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
