Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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