You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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