whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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