the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
