there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
