The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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