he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
