Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
