You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
