It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
