You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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