I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
