She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
