just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
