The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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