Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
