He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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