why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
