Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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