I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
