So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
