I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
