Will you blow on my dice?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
