worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
