What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
