you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
