Only a mothe r could love this liver
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
