I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
ugly people sure do ruin things
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
