There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
