Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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