my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
