Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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