rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
